I've been working on this post for weeks, and it is taking me forever to get it right.
That is mostly due to the fact that every time I think about what I want to say I just sit here and bawl. :) But...this is just too exciting to put off any longer, so I'll grab my tissues and let the waterworks begin!
We are having a baby!!!
Can you believe it?! It still seems like a dream to me most of the time. It is funny how you can want something for three and a half years, and yet when it finally happens it still seems so unreal!
We are very humbled by and grateful for the miracles we have seen in our lives over the last three years, and particularly over the last three months. We know these miracles are largely due to the faith and prayers of many family and friends on our behalf...thank you, thank you, thank you!
When we first discovered I was pregnant, I laughed hysterically for a few moments, then I just started to cry. What a great blessing; we were very much in awe of this miracle.
All the blood tests and doctors visits started right away. Because of the infertility treatments we had been doing, they wanted to test my progesterone levels immediately to make sure they were sufficiently high and that I would be able to carry the baby. The first test was a little low, but not too worrisome. We decided to test it again a few days later, just to make sure, and it had dropped quite a bit. They put me on some progesterone supplements and tested a few days later to make sure they were working and bringing my levels up. Unfortunately my levels had dropped again, in spite of the supplements. They upped the dose, but at this point my nurse practitioner, Stephanie, kindly warned me that usually when this happens, when the body doesn't react to the supplements, it is because the pregnancy is non-viable. Needless to say, I was crushed.
Thankfully those devastated feelings didn't last long. I was reminded of what we had learned the last three years: the Lord knows us, He loves us, and He has a plan specifically for us and our family. I didn't know what that plan was at this point, but I knew it was best and that we would be blessed with the strength to live this plan, no matter what it was. At this point I wasn't convinced my baby was going to live, but I knew that I would be okay...we could handle this.
The next blood tests revealed that my levels had gone up a little bit, but not nearly enough, so they upped my progesterone dose to the highest they could give me. The interesting thing, though, was that my blood pregnancy numbers (HCG, I think?) were high enough for a normal pregnancy. Dr. E ordered a sonogram to check the viability of the baby and to see what was going on. I was a bit of a wreck as I began the hour drive to the doctors office. I had no idea what we would find. Thankfully during that hour I was again reminded that we were not alone, and because of that, we could handle this!
Bryan met me at the doctor's office and thankfully they got us right in. The sonogram technicians at our office are so wonderful. I have met them several times, but never under the normal happy circumstances of being pregnant, and I am so grateful for their cheerful, comforting ways! Our technician got right to business and we quickly found a baby with a heartbeat, already wiggling away in there. I was amazed. Our baby didn't even have full arms or legs yet, but we could see it's heart, and it's brain, all developing just like normal. She said that this baby didn't seem one bit bothered by my low progesterone levels, and everything looked great! We were so relieved, and so grateful.
I didn't hear anything else from the doctor after that. I had an appointment in a couple of weeks, and while I was a bit nervous that we hadn't heard anything official from the doctor after the sonogram, I assumed that no new was good news. I felt very pregnant and plenty sick, so I felt like all was well. We even told the kids and our families our exciting news, and told the kids they could come to the appointment to hear the baby's heart beat...or "heart beep" as Grace calls it. :) They were SO excited!
We went to that first appointment, all four of us. I got kind of a weird look from the nurses as we all walked in, which I thought was strange. It was a bad day at the office, really busy and a delivery that hadn't gone well I guess, and we had to wait forever. Finally Dr. E came in to do the exam and to listen for the heartbeat. He pulled the curtain around where the kids were sitting and asked if I wanted them in the room for this. I told him that they just wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat and then they could go out in the hall. He looked at me for a minute then he said "I don't think we are going to find a heartbeat." What?! I looked at Bryan like 'what is this guy talking about?!' If they were still worried about problems, why hadn't they told us? I was really confused so I just laid down and told him to do whatever he needed to do. He started to listen for the heartbeat, but with a stethoscope, so no one else could hear anything. It took a few minutes, but suddenly he handed me the stethoscope and told me to listen. There was that miraculous little heartbeat, humming away just like normal. After everyone got to hear it, Dr. E said I must be living a charmed life because situations like ours do not usually turn out like this. I was too much in shock to say anything, but later, when it all sank in, I wished I could have that moment again. I would share with him the belief I have in a loving Father in Heaven who is truly a god of miracles! It was such a strange feeling to realize that all these medical professionals thought I was coming in to find devastating news, but we knew, through the impressions we had received through the spirit, that they would find that heartbeat in there. How grateful I am for the comforting personal revelation we can receive from our Father in Heaven.
And now I am almost halfway through this pregnancy. I am very anxious for the sonogram we have scheduled next month, to see the baby again and to make sure that all is well. I am even more anxious for November when we will meet this little miracle face to face. What a day that will be!